Alarm sounds and my eyes pop open, immediately my brain replays the mistakes I made, the shame of words spoken, the regrets of actions taken, and the crippling feeling of despair. Instantly I'm grasping for air, holding my chest, body temperature elevating, nerves twitching, head feeling faint, and tears rolling down my face. In this moment, I'm losing control and feeling like I'm losing a fight no one can see or comprehend. I'm fighting me, I'm beating up me, I'm hating me, I'm afraid of me, I'm losing me. *deep breathe* This was anxiety for me.
Growing up, I always read or heard people associating mental struggles with being crazy. You have a tough day and need to vent but the next person takes it as if you are ungrateful and always complaining. Sometimes people really need to take the time to see if it’s really complaining or a true cry for help.
You’re not crazy and you’re definitely not alone, you just have to give certain things more attention than others. You may struggle mentally but someone else could be struggling just as bad physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
Throughout my childhood, I never really knew the proper way to deal with my emotions and this caused stressful situations to overwhelm me. Being unstable mentally (even temporarily) was just wrong and I feared voicing how I really felt. It started as small events that created a ripple effect of experiences in my life. Those experiences became memories that triggered negative emotions. I didn't process those emotions because I always felt I had to pretend that everything was okay. I was slowly dying behind that mask and I lost precious time wearing it. When it was time to be vocal, I couldn't find the words or the best approach. No one could make me feel as bad as I made myself feel. The frustration can be unbearable and paralyzing. I just held everything in, didn't talk, isolated myself; and housed resentment and hatred in my heart.
Being a PK (preacher’s kid) brought a lot of anxiety with stereotypes attached. Many people assumed that since I knew scriptures, I automatically knew how to apply them. Honestly, I didn’t feel the real meaning of scriptures until my adulthood (like seriously 2017). My anxiety consumed me so bad that it developed into depression and at that point, I was too drained to even function or care for myself. All these years, I struggled alone and was too afraid to reach out to anyone because I was scarred from several attempts. Since I know I struggle with anxiety, I have to stay mindful of my thoughts, words, actions, relationships, and environment. I have to challenge every negative thought in my mind with the positives and truth.
If you are struggling with anxiety or depression, please don’t give up on yourself. There are so many methods out there to help with the struggle (suggestions below). If you are someone that knows someone struggling, please stop the stigma (being quiet about the issue) and listen intently for what the individual needs to get through their difficult times. Together we can eliminate this stigma and save lives.
Help for Anxiety and Depression
1) Educate Yourself
Anxiety and Depression Association of America
National Alliance on Mental Illness
2) Try Therapy
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is known to be the best therapy for anxiety. CBT helps you learn to change those thought patterns and reduce the likelihood and intensity of anxiety symptoms.
There are many other therapies like group therapy, interpersonal therapy, and mindfulness-based therapy. Once you connect with a therapist, they can narrow down the best approaches for you.
3) See A Physician
Set an appointment with a physician and be very transparent in answering detailed questions. The doctor can run test to check for any underlying illnesses that you may not be aware of. They can prescribe medication that can assist you with your daily anxiety. Also these appointments are great for recommended treatments and additional information on many things affecting your mind and body like your diet, fitness, and vitamin intake.
4) Meditation
Benefits of meditation consist of reduced stress, enhanced self-awareness/mindfulness, sleep improvement, and increased focus. Meditation can teach you different methods of breathing that will help you to calm down and connect with the present moment.
5) Journaling
According to Positive Psychology website, journaling can help you clear your head, make important connections between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and even reduce the effects of mental illness.
6) Daily Affirmations
You can find many videos of affirmations on Youtube or you can write your own affirmations. Listening and reading daily affirmations help you to reprogram your subconscious mind. It makes you more aware of your thoughts, words, and feelings while increasing a better perspective of life. Daily affirmations keep you in a constant state of gratitude. The goal of these affirmations is to keep you encouraged and focused on your goals.
7) Shift Your Environment
Changing your environment can consist of physically moving to a new place, removing toxic people from your life, changing your mindset, and practicing healthier habits.
You can change your situation, in the mist of your situation. All you have to do is change what you see and how you see it. My prayer is that these tips will help you break out of your mental prison and grow into a life of abundance along your journey.
Blessings,
K.P.
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